just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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