everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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