while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i came on her dog
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize