I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
