Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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