Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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