you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize