You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
