there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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