When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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