I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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