before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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