it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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