So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize