i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
