if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you didnt know i had herpes?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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