I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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