No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
