The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
vagina is talking i cant
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
