i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
