I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
