Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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