I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
