Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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