I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
