Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I didn't notice because vodka
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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