why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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