Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize