mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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