But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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