Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if only i could text you this smell
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
