I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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