i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You ruined the universe
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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