She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
