And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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