He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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