do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
