just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
