so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just cropdusted the office
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
