My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
