have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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