The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
