He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
