oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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