were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
