Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
