dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
