I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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