My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so let's talk penis.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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