Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
