I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I want a musical about memes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
