Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
