where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
