I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
