Kiss
Puke
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
