please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
40s are totally the cure
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
