): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
