But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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