Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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