You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
