I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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