he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
