sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think my tv is drunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
