I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize