We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
