my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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