who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
