a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
