i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
