i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
