I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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