whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
