Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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