If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
