i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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