Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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