He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
