dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize