i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
