Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
