Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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