I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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