BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
