Me too!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
