I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Come share oat with me in your robe
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize