im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't think brook has ever known best
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
