brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
