So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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