he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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