I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
