I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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