dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
