It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
