dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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