OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize