Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
