So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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