Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
