I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
