All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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